So, quick rundown first. The last month has been extremely rough on me.(21 M)
I lost my job, got dumped, and blew the transmission in my faithful old truck, all in the same day. I couldn't get any help with my truck, couldn't afford a shop, so I called my deadbeat father that I have spoken to 4 times in the last 15 years. He showed up, helped me drop my transmission, found out it would cost too much to rebuild, and he just up and left. Haven't heard from him since.
Now to the me part. Last Thursday, I did a bit of binge drinking, thinking it would help me out with my depression. Needless to say, it did not. I ended up sobbing in my truck with a [redacted] to my head. My best friend in the whole world managed to make me see sense, and brought me back. I've really come to depend on her. We talk all day every day. She is the best person I know.
Then, on Saturday evening, I got a major nosebleed that lasted 3 hours straight and ended with me in the ER because I lost 2 pints of blood. Obviously that made me extremely woozy. The blood loss, coupled with the anxiety and depression, and a bit more alcohol because I didn't learn my lesson, lead me to a full mental breakdown Monday evening. And of course, I panicked and directed all my pent up emotions at my best friend. She hadn't been responding at all that day, and my abandonment issues due to aforementioned father lead me in a downward spiral of overthinking where I thought I was losing her too. So I lashed out. And it was bad.
I haven't heard from her since. And that really hurts. Because the two of us have similar mental issues, and we've become kinda codependent. So losing her has just torn a part of me out. I hope I can recover. I hope I didn't drive a wedge between us permanently.
And of course, I have made my first appointment with a therapist.
I'm sorry about the vent post, but other than her, I have nobody to talk to about this, and I guess I came here to see if anybody had some advice for me about any of this. Feel free to ask questions. I appreciate any input yall may have.