i (16F) had a really good connection with my brother (18M) since we were kids. we grew up like twins since we have a year and 9 months gap. when i was 12 i got depressed and didnt talk to anyone for months. for a while i didnt go out of my room and i was in a really bad shape. at 14 my brother walked into my room while i was crying and wouldn’t leave until i told him what i was going through. we talked for hours and at some point i told him that i dont see myself alive at 15. later that day i saw him crying to my mom. my brother is not emotional at all and its the first time i have ever seen him cry. when i was 15 i tried to kill myself. im not gonna go into detail but i understood how stupid i was for trying that after a couple of minutes. i went to the kitchen and told my mom what i did and she called my brothers and told them she was going to take me to the hospital and she told my big brother (16 at the time) to watch my little brother (10 at the time) while we were away. when we arrived at the hospital my brothers called and asked if i was okay. i cope with humor and i made some jokes about my attempt and they got mad. after two days i was back home and my brothers wouldnt even look at me. i was sad and disappointed in myself. i was hurt. after about two weeks my lil brother started to talk to me again but it took longer than that for my big brother to talk to me. our connection was never the same. its been a year and 4 months since my attempt and we talk but not like we used to. my mom told me a couple of weeks ago that when i was at the hospital he called her and he cried to her and told her that if i don’t survive he wont either. i cried when i heard that. i had no idea how much he loved me. i want to have our connection back. my therapist says i should talk to him about my attempt. i dont know if thats a good idea. i dont know what to do. i miss my brother. i love him to death and i will always love him. i think a part of him is still mad at me. what should i do ?
