Me (M 22) and Girlfriend (F 35) have been fighting alot lately it mostly stems from me, i have this weird obsession with wanting to me the biggest penis shes been with and shes told me that(obviously) and i stupidly went through her phone and saw something i knew i didnt want to see, and i keep replaying that text over and over in my head, im pretty sure i have RJ so that wont help at ALL,
I also for some reason feel the need to constantly bring things up from the past that we've fought about or about her before me and her have even met, and i cant seem to stop and its destroying me mentally as is her
We have gotten physical with each other and im constantly feeling the need to call her names like "party girl" nothing like whore or anything to that extreme, i have called her fat a few times and regret it almost immediately after (i might have some anger issues)
I hold grudges and cant let anything go ever, i still bring things up from months ago not even in a right just randomly, its like i have no filter
I am persistent on wanting answers about her past and i know shes lying to protect me which im not mad at i fully understand
I know this relationship is probably over, I still need to work these things out
I just feel like i am so mentally fucked in the head i will never truly be able to be happy in a relationship