I actually don't know whats wrong with me or what compells me to do this. I got a cute sleep dress that makes my butt look good so I thought I’d send a vid to my boyfriend. The first take was mostly cute! But i didn’t like my face in it, so I did it again and I didn’t like the way my hair fell. Again, didn’t like my back fat. Again, wasn’t popping my back out enough. I kept reshooting and readjusting myself to record this “candid” 10 second video. I genuinely felt good about myself at first and I wish I would’ve just sent it when I thought it was mostly fine. I literally went an entire hour recording this same vid over and over and over again waiting for all the elements to line up and they never did. It’s ironic I wanted it to look natural but planned out every facial expression, breath, and movement. As it went on I started losing all sense of self, and wasn’t having fun with it anymore and you could see it on my face so I had to try and conceal that too. It got to a point where I couldn’t mask my disappointment and stress anymore and I had to just give up and not send him anything. I don’t know who I am right now and I feel insane for letting it go on that long. I was feeling good about myself and wanted to share that with him but now I’m at the lowest I have felt in a while. I don’t know if this is the right forum to post on or what I’m even looking for out of this post. I have never heard of anyone else doing this before. Has anyone ever done something similar? I would appreciate any advice or thoughts whatsoever.
