I want to die but don’t want to end myself

I know this is attention grabbing bullshit but my life feels like it keeps getting worse and I feel drained after this breakup I had that was exacerbated by OCD. I feel like I fumbled and I want to message people about it because I feel like a loser and I hate that my high school years are ending and I won’t have an excuse to not have any energy or be angsty in college

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