In my young ages with 14 i played the clown for older people so i can get into the group.
We took a lot of drugs and i always thought the more i take the more i fit in, and for them it really was a aspect why they liked me more (or i just thought so)
Got rid of them but still everytime i took drugs with my new friends i always took too much on raves or drink too much on functions or partys. Perhaps because i was used to do that but also big part cause im not social enough when there are many people.
I got myself now didnt took any drugs for months then i took a bit of mdma and only microdosed was nice but dont wanna do it again happened after i drank too much.
Where i write this i see my problem is still my overconsume.
Where i wanted to get with this i dont really get respect and i have the feeling my current friends want to keep me at that level for their advantage, there are days where i feel heard and respected,but i break down so fast i dont know if people just laugh about me or if i say this to myself .
While writing this i got so far away from what i wanted to say in the beginning it was an exact example but down here i just generalized it.
