my mom and I have always had a rocky relationship but right now I genuinely want to take my life because of her she is absolutely ruining everything and she is ruining my life and I cant do anything about it. it started in march 2020 when I was 10 years old she started being just so cruel to me and taking out ALL of her problems on me and I was so fucking young so that has been sticking with me for years. I remember that summer she threatened she would leave me but I literally do not understand what I did as a not even middle schooler to deserve any of that. in 2021-2022 it was still pretty bad and the same thing would happen every single time, she would yell at me and make me feel like shit over stuff I didn't even do and then hours later she would come into my room crying and pleading for forgiveness and I literally had NO other choice but to forgive but she had no realization of how terrible this made me feel. in 2023 I feel as if I developed bad mental health issues such as anxiety and depression mostly because of her (not trying to self-diagnose myself but I feel as if theres no other explanation for how I felt.) throughout 2023 I guess my relationship wasn't terrible with her and the year itself was pretty okay because I started developing actual friendships bc I finally started high school. I wanted to really improve all aspects of myself in 2024 because I thought I was getting better but it all came crashing down. she took out all of her anger on me every other day and I genuinely couldn't do anything but cry to myself and this effected me so bad because she did it for weeks and weeks and I refused to leave my house anymore because I had absolutely no motivation to do anything at all because all I wanted to do was sleep so I could get away from all her bs but it really didn't work. genuinely my whole life is collapsing right now because of her and I keep saying the same thing how I feel like I have 0 motivation and can do nothing about this but I really just need some help and I gneuianly cant do any of this anymore. also I know this wouldn't happen but pls nobody call any form of cps I dont think this could even be a reason for cps but if that happen my life would genuinely be 100 percent ruined I could never recover from that so please I just need some tips or something thank you
