I am so tired y’all. I’m (26F) and I just feel disillusioned by life.
1. I’m pissed at myself for not being single for a long time. I’ve always been a relationship girly and this stems from the fact that I like sex way too much to be hopping from partner to partner. Plus I just really value human connection and I love how deep it feels overtime, but if I’m honest, I probably would have benefited so much from being single. Getting my routine down and self love up and then getting a partner.
2. I have few friends. I guess that’s life but it’s like I lost my HS friends when I had to choose between my sister or them. Then went to college. Made a gay best friend , he’s male and still very much a Ho lol no shade but I’m like damn near married. No genuine/deep friendships made in law school, it’s very cut throat. Now adult life and everyone seems to be touch and go.
3. Professionally, I’m so fucking tired of being a woman in this field. The paralegals don’t really respect baby attorneys and your colleagues are just colleagues. Every time I speak it’s like they think I should shut up or they’re intimidated . Meanwhile, if you’re a dude, women treat them like “how may I suck your dick? Anything I can do for you” and amongst guys it’s like ,”let’s not make this guys job harder”
4. I’m tired of being part of the male gaze. The legal field is progressing but in general , people think lawyers should look and talk and act a certain way. Picture Zendaya but a lawyer. Who’s done the work, incredibly smart and capable but not getting recognized in the way she wants to be. Not that I’m on zendayas level but just to conceptualize it for y’all. I can’t wait til this new generation actually takes over.
5. I really want my own family but I’ve been having trouble there and I’m kinda sad to kiss this body goodbye 😩 lol
Nothing in my life is “bad” but my circle feels small. I yearn for something deep/ other worldly. I thought as long at you did right by people, they’d do right by you and you’d get rewarded, but adult life isn’t like that at all. Sigh. I really just want a genuine friend, who understands me and isn’t secretly praying on my downfall bc I sure as hell am not praying on anyone else’s. And I’m tired of being a mopey bitch. lol