I don’t like to diagnose myself, but i was feeling really bad for half of a year. The worst was time between January and February, after that I’ve begun to work on myself and getting slightly better to the point that right now I can tell that I’m fine. I want to live, still I have to work and learn to accept myself but it is better than before.
In January the custom feeling that I felt was sadness so bad that I had chest ache. It’s gone buy I noticed something that is bothering me.
First time that I put my attention into it was in January during my “deep sadness”, one day I woke up and all the pain was gone. It was strange, I felt really calm so I tried thinking of things that makes me happy but I didn’t feel the usual emotions. Any other things that normally makes me emotional just didn’t work, it seemed like I lost all my emotions. Like if I turned them off somehow and couldn’t turn them on back. And from this time I’m recognizing sometimes this state. It mostly last for day or two.
I also recall that few years ago I’ve been through this but didn’t really pay attention to my feelings.
I believe that this is normal mechanism that my body uses to run away from extreme emotions that I was feeling, I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone has been through this. But only one who I ever heard that know this feeling is my own sister who grew up with me so if it is some sort of trauma or genetic problem we both could have it.
I’m also worried cause everything is now better than before but this state is still returning and it’s sometimes hard for me to cope, everything is boring me and I don’t want to do anything when I don’t feel anything. My friends never noticed anything, when I’m with them its easier to forget about this state but it’s also sometimes hard for me to by myself when I don’t feel anything.
The other problem that I got is that I’m constantly tired and no amount of sleep or rest seems to be able to change that.
Should I be worry?