I’ve been struggling with these thoughts for a while. I have never done it or made plans to do it but it is still a thought Ive had and the thought becomes louder when I’m around my desired sex. I know I’m in control of my urges but I’m scared that one day I might lose control of them. I lack impulse control in other aspects of my life such as with food and spending money so doesn’t it make sense to assume I’m going to one day lose control of these thoughts also?
I don’t seek to have power over someone when I think these thoughts. These thoughts more so stem from me wanting to have actual consensual sex with somebody but because I’m unattractive and broke I know the odds of me getting that are really low. I also want to get in a relationship but I know the likelihood of that is also low because of the things I’ve just mentioned ( I’ve been rejected plenty times).
I’ve been using porn to cope but it’s not really scratching that itch anymore. I feel like I need actual sex but it’s not just something that is easily within my grasp. This situation is so morbidly ironic. Just imagine a sex addict that is so ugly he can’t have actual sex and he’s so broke he can’t pay someone to have sex with him. What is my life?
How do I keep control of this though? I’ve been going to therapy but it’s not really helping. My problem has gotten to a point where I refuse to hang around certain genders or people. What can I do to gain better self control in not only this aspect of my life but also other aspects? I feel like I’ve tried everything.