I am a 28 year old man. I so far have lived a relatively happy and very privileged life without any trauma. Both my wife and I have a high salary in an enjoyable career and would be able to support both of us without problem if the other had to stop working. And yet, even with no major problems at all worth mentioning, I seem to have outright ridiculous and sometimes even dangerous fear of the silliest things. I don’t consider myself to be easily disturbed, I absolutely devour horror movies, but some things are just too much.
For example, a few nights ago, I saw a completely harmless spider in the bathroom, no bigger than a quarter, as I was taking a shower. I was paralyzed with fear for a moment, and nearly passed out. All I remember is hearing my deafening screams of horror and then crying in my wife’s arms. I refused to sleep in bed last night, and instead called my parents to go to their house where I slept the next two nights. I really didn’t realize how selfish I had been until a few days later. I hated spiders, but usually it was nothing more than a shriek before sprinting down the hallway to wait in another room for an hour.
It isn’t just spiders. I’m also deathly afraid of the dark. I absolutely *will not* sleep in a room without a light source. It doesn’t even have to illuminate the surroundings, I just need some sort of light to hug on to with my eyes. I sleep with a nightlight plugged in next to my side of the bed. Once on vacation the power went out in the middle of the night and I started panicking. I woke up my wife and I could barley breath over my hyperventilating. I soon started thrashing around as my wife tried to calm me, and ended up kicking over a lamp and breaking it. As soon as the power came back on I began to return to normal, and the regret stabbed me like a knife.
I have plenty of other random and needless fears, just none as severe or present as those two. I have no clue why I’m so afraid of darkness and spiders, but I have no clue how I can get help. I **WILL NOT** be getting exposure therapy or talk therapy no matter how many people tell me to, so just give up on that before you waste time on it. I’ve tried them both unsuccessfully and had a terrible experience both times. I’ve had these fears as long as I can remember and it’s just such a hindrance in the least impact way. I feel like the worlds biggest impostor with a fake condition. Is there anything I can do to help myself?