Long story short, I severely stagnated in my life for 7 years. I was grinding long hours at a couple very abusive workplaces making peanuts, going through nonstop drama with people formerly in my life, dealing with stalking, watching loved ones get torn away from me by severe mental illness, and a thousand other issues. For 7 years, I went to the darkest depths of hell and back I didn't think I would make it many times. I was isolated and fighting every single day with no break.
Then I made it. My master's degree I earned while working full time plus putting out nonstop fires in my life finally gave me the chance to leave my hometown for a new role in IT.
And suddenly starting in January my whole life changed forever. I worked my new job remotely while keeping my old job, so I could pay off mountains of debt and start saving for the first time in my adult life. All the meanwhile, I got engaged and had to pack up my life and leave. I had to say goodbye to people, attend a bunch of social functions every weekend with my fiance (when previously I had almost no social life), learn my new job (which was like drinking through a fire hydrant), welcome in a tenant into my last home after living alone for years and finally do the moving. I finally quit my old job after dual employment for a few months.
I barely slept for 6 months and everything was go-go-go nonstop. Even after moving here to Chicago, I had to keep learning my new job, I felt like a fish out of water finally being able to reach the big city at the age of 30 and having to adjust to living in the big city. I've met more new people and had more of a social life than I've had in years. We spent a couple weeks assembling furniture day in and day out, as well as other activities to set up this home. I've begun working on wedding planning as well.
Yesterday I woke up and I just couldn't leave the house. I told my roommate to go ahead and attend a beach rave. Today, I just sat in front of the TV and binged it for hours without checking my phone. I missed messages to go out. I can't even bring myself to go wash my sheets. My fridge is empty and I'm hungry, but I can't even bring myself to get food or pick up my phone to order food. I barely was able to bring myself to this computer to type this out. It finally hit me. I was emotionally numb and living off pure dopamine for 6 months dealing with gargantuan life changes after 7 years of suffering and an entire lifetime of trauma before that. I didn't have the time or space until this weekend to emotionally process all my life changes or to reflect on anything.
This is everything I worked for years to manifest, it came true, but it all happened at once. I am burned out and I can't function. I feel like I've been lobotomized. I don't want to deal with anything or anyone. I don't want to move or do anything really. I wish I could have a week nonstop to be useless like this.
But tomorrow, I have to get back to work and I am not in any state to. I wish I can just binge my shows and I don't even remember the last time I had any time to watch anything. I can't function, but I feel completely euphoric I finally have a weekend to do anything.