My mental health affects my boyfriend, I don’t want hurt him anymore but I also don’t want to lose him. I have bpd and struggles with recurrent depression, I also recently started harm self again. When we started dating over 2 years ago he had his own struggles but battled it over. I do also started regularly goin on therapy month ago (I know I neglected it), I am on medicines for 4 years but last half of year or even more was such a downgrade in my mental state. My boyfriend is in pain because of my actions, he’s sad and broken. We keep trying, we had plenty of serious conversations but I feel like I am unable right now to overcome my shit. I feel lost and confused in my head, it feels like sitting in dark room without windows and door, you only hear screaming. I DO TRY I do my best to be good girlfriend but my “bpd side” overtakes a lot. My therapist said that my two sides somehow will have to work together but getting better also feels so scary. How will I be, who will I be. Everything is a mess.
I don’t know what to and what think anymore, but I love him.