I '16F' am in senior year of highschool. I've been depressed for years and was finally diagnosed with depression anxiety and insomnia a month ago. I just want to go somewhere without anyone knowing
My relationship with the people in school is terrible I'm not sure where to start but I'll keep it short. For starters this began during my middle school (2019), the boys mostly flirt or have a crush on me because they think I'm pretty/beautiful but I've always been insecure and all those guys are bad toxic rumour creating people. I do well in my studies and come in the top 3 ranks and I'm not sure but the girls seem to be my friend but always end up holding a grudge against me due to this I hated everybody from school and became completely silent during lockdown(2020-2021) when school reopened(2022) as normal I was extremely anxious would always be scared to read in front of the class etc and during sophomore year(2023-2024) I had no one to talk to even a word I couldn't focus nor concentrate even during exams as day goes on I'm afraid of everything.
My relationship at home is not good either. me, my mom, my brother, my step dad and my grandpa live in a 3 bedroom house so the space is pretty cramped and I don't have any freedom. I dont like my step dad as he's been toxic during our childhood but nows he's changed a lot but still I don't think I could forgive him. My brother(18M) is always absent, never at home never helps around the house or even takes me to shops for grocery or stationery. My granpa is the egoistic kind you would see who thinks they're right in everything. I pity my mom who has to put up with all this. All three of these males don't help with chores and so only me and my mom have to do them. My mom is the breadwinner of the house and my dad does not work domue to health reasons. In this summer break I've left house like 10 times and I'm going insane. I have no friends to go out or talk to otmr play with I'm very much all alone.
My brain cannot deal with this even thought its been like this for years.I don't like to eat I don't want to eat I don't love the stuffs I used to nor do I do my creative crafts anymore . I'm lost. I forget everything I'm scared 🙁 . Harming myself give me joy I see blood and for once I feel something which I know is very wrong but otherwise I feel nothing. I always have the thought to die I'm not sure what to do 🙁