Social service woman came and I want to vent.
My mum makes people think there’s something seriously wrong with me, **I’ll start off saying I know I’m a bad person and there probably is something wrong with me, but not the things she says about me.**
Firstly she says I’m unstable, violent and need help, this is because I used to throw things in my room when I got upset (never at her) but she’d occasionally throw things directly at me, like the candle holder and a random piece of wood one time lol. Always me who’s violent, I don’t get it. Throwing things is the worst I have done if that’s considered worse than swearing at her or not giving my phone to her.
One time I heard her say I attacked her, istg **I never ever hit her, never.** Even when she pins me to the ground and hits me in the head over and over, I always try push myself away from her grasp (grabbing onto furniture and dragging myself out rather than pushing against her). That’s not to say I’m perfect, I’ve done horrible things, but I’ve never been ‘violent’ or ‘attacked’ her like she says.
Oh btw, she also said we go outside on walks to the beach, forest, etc. \^u\^ that sounds fun! **EXCEPT FOR THE FACT WE NEVER HAVE. -\_-**
Because I drink, self harm, run away, I’m already seen as hard to handle, I used to be good. I’m not anymore. I’m still good most days though, I only go down to eat for dinner and smoke, those are the only times she sees me and I see her nowadays, I keep my room clean and I shut up most of the time (Except for when I’m talking with my brothers), but you know what she said to the social service woman? She said I **NEED a LOT of ATTENTION**. She said she was feeling dizzy and sick because of having to stay with me **CONSTANTLY**.
**WHAT**? She sleeps the **ENTIRE** day, I’ve made it my goal to be as little of a bother as possible, especially with the things she does for me, I understand she cooks, I was gonna say cleans but she only does that when ppl come over lol, but I still appreciate that! And she has a house for us, pays the rent, I can’t ask for anything more. I actually don’t and never have, I’ve **NEVER** asked for food even when the fridge was literally empty, I’ve **NEVER** asked for objects or things like a new mouse (mines broken xd) but she makes it look like I’m constantly asking for the **WORLD**.
edit: this is not to say i like her any less/appreciate her any less, i know that i’m not a good kid & i’m trying to be better, im just venting.