I need your opinion on my situation. My mental health has been completely destroyed for 3.5 years. I am 22 years old and never had mental health problems before except for normal periods of grief. Now I feel completely different and I can’t even describe it properly. My will to live has left me.
Now to my question, I find it very difficult to understand how it could have gotten so bad because I used to feel normal and “happy” and never thought about mental problems but only about what I wanted to achieve and do.
Trying therapy didn’t really work. Now I would like to try to understand my problems myself and know how it could come to this and how I can please feel good and normal again.
Because of these mental problems, I don’t know if my problems are “big enough” to trigger my situation.
I have been lying to everyone around me for 5 years without exception that I am successfully self-employed and also have a company that shows people how to teach what I am supposedly so good at (so I lie to them too) I don’t actively think about how this is stressing me or anything else, but only about how I feel and how much better everything used to be. Is this a problem that can lead to mental problems?
Apart from that, I can’t think of anything else, my life is monotonous and is only about this “independence fake job“
I don’t feel remorse or anything no joy nothing and I know that Iam not a bad person I always try the best for people never ever in the past I felt suicidal just the past 3,5 years Iam so done I don’t know what is going on and what mode my brain has switched on. It feels like brain damage and that this switch will never be the same so suicide feels like the only logical way out. Every fucking day has been this bad I can’t believe it. Can a lie keep this bad feeling that shadows everything alive?
I need help please