I’m in a situation and I don’t know what to do anymore. When I was 10 my family went on a trip to London, when we were there my dad massaged me until it was full blown SA. I didn’t know what to do so I didn’t do anything, I didn’t enjoy it and at that time I didn’t know what sex was. He continued to regularly “play” with me on a daily basis. He did this until I was about 12 and then abruptly stopped. I was so confused. For some reason my brain thought it was a normal occurrence for children to go through that and it just wasn’t talked about. As time went on I slowly started naturally learning about sex and then I realized. It’s not normal. I had been taken advantage of. I told my mom and she went home and said she scolded him. She said he was so scared that he was vomiting and crying. Life just kind of continued and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I felt so bad and sick every day. Fast forward to now (15 year old now) and i fully understand sex and what he did to me. I’ve had multiple evidences appear that make me wonder if my siblings (m14, m7, and f5) are victims too. These evidences include, my 7 year old brother (he was about 5 at the time) did the typical little kid thing of running out of the bathroom nude. Obviously I closed my eyes, my dog ran over to him and I heard what sounded like “suck it” from my little brother before he ran back into the bathroom . I could have very well just have mistaken it but it’s very concerning. And the other evidence is that my father keeps randomly going into my siblings rooms at night and insisting on giving them a shower. I decided to check if he had changed his ways by “asking him about some bumps that had appeared on my parts” (there really was at the time) and he assured me it’s normal. After a day or 2 hr asks if he could “check the bumps again” and as expected he SA’d me again. I also got him to massage my back to see what he’d do but I noticed he was touching himself while doing so. Since I’ve confirmed that he hasn’t changed I stay up almost every night to make sure he doesn’t enter my siblings rooms. I can’t get him arrested because he’s our income and my depresssed mother wouldn’t be able to feed us. If I tell my mom about the evidence she would mostly likely end her life. My mental health is gone and I harm myself regularly. My grades are failing but I can’t tell anyone about my mental state for the previously mentioned reasons. I need help. (If you have any questions please ask them)
