I’m in a rough point in my life, I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom and broke right through it going even deeper. I’ve never had an easy life but these last 2 years have been the worst of them. A girl that I had really fallen for and who seemed to be the best out of everyone I’ve ever dated left me for her ex and completely cut me out of her life, my grandma who was one of the most important people in my life past away last year and my best friend passed away from a fentanyl overdose 6 months ago. A year ago I was drinking with a girl and we started to fight so I had to leave and ended up crashing my truck and getting a DUI that I’m still dealing with. I lost my position at work because of this and I’m 10k in debt and that keeps growing. The weight of all of this is becoming unbearable and I’m struggling trying to find a way out of this, I don’t know what to do. My main support system is broken, the people are either dead or left me and I feel so damn alone. My thoughts are running wild and my anxiety is at an all time high, my sleep when I get it is restless, I can barely pick my self up to go-to work and even when I’m there I’m not very productive. I’m about to be bankrupt with even more bills coming in from court, lawyer, insurance and just the price of fucking being alive. I’m trying to tip toe around the word suicide but that’s on my mind constantly 1 to solve the issues that I live with and 2 to be with my friend. I’m even dreaming about it now, I had a dream last night about blowing my brains out. I don’t know what to do it’s all piling up and I can’t deal with it anymore. I know I need to be put into a hospital to get my mental health under control but I can’t do it, for 1 because I’ve been there before and I know how they are and 2 because I can’t afford to miss work, going in there wouldn’t make my debt disappear and when I get out I wouldn’t have a paycheck coming to try to keep my head above water. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place and I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry for the long post
