I’m (26F) fairly certain that I have mental health issues, and am worried that it’s a lot. It’s affecting my life. My emotions are all over the place and mostly negative, I have no friends, I’m not able to trust anyone, I don’t have much motivation to do anything, and it always feels like something bad is about to happen. I’ve been this way for years now.
Despite knowing that I probably need help, part of me doesn’t want help. I realized this when I tried taking an SSRI (due to sleep issues, my doctor said I have anxiety.).
Since I was about a pre-teen, I noticed that I can experience intense emotions when engaging in certain types of media and darker themes. I find these pieces of media to be validating, cathartic, and a way for me to explore things in a safe way. But, when I took the SSRI, these feelings completely disappeared, and I couldn’t enjoy those things anymore. My darker thoughts disappeared too. It felt like I lost myself, and I was super uncomfortable with it. I hated it.
I’m no longer taking the meds (due to other side effects), and the feelings and thoughts returned.
I’m just afraid that if I seek help, I won’t be able to enjoy those things anymore, and that I’ll lose my sense of self. I know it sounds silly, but, it’s really stopping me from seeking help. Does anyone else feel this way? Are there people here who tried to get some help with similar thoughts and worries?