These months are usually bad, I tend to get sick, I tend to be down. The truth is I think that my decline in these months was because during these months my dignity was broken and I let myself be carried away by idiots on the internet. I basically masturbated and other shit for people on the internet. I was 12 years old and I felt strangely bad, intrusive thoughts and a lack of clarity about myself. I felt like a fucking alien. Intrusive thoughts don’t help, how am I supposed to communicate if I dreamed about my father abusing me?
During that time I left all social networks for a bit, so I stayed away from weird sexual shit and it helped a lot. I started reading and training. It went pretty well and I’m proud of those changes. I am especially fascinated by the world of training. It is the perfect combination of theory and mentality applied in practice. reading I like it, I should probably read more novels and get into communities or something like that.
Socially, I wouldn’t know how to describe myself well at the moment, I am a man more of actions than words. People really confuse me, for some I’m a fucking know-it-all egomaniac and for others I’m a timid man on the verge of collapse. But most people consider me to be someone very capable and who has demonstrated quite good intelligence, I’m happy about that. I really like relationships of actions and not much of feelings. Personally, I would like to be with people who are much more coherent with what they do and say and about themselves. I am young and my generation feels like a sea of different, totally opposite personalities that coexist in a strange way and I am a middle point between all of them. I’m not a weirdo, I’m not an extrovert, I’m not a handsome egomaniac. I simply think that I am a very moldable person.
Thinking more about it, I have been too many things in my life, very opposite to each other, I have been a fucking cringe homosexual, someone very philosophical. Very strange shit that I regret.
I thought this would be a much more pessimistic post. I would really like to just talk about these topics. really in my generation it is difficult to have a conversation that is not friendly