Regrets and mental illness

I blame my bipolar disorder for not spending more time with my brother (my only sibling), his wife (J), my two nephews and my niece. I really am sad about the estranged relationship I have with J. I had the opportunity to dine with my brother and J. once a week but I stupidly declined. I was manic at the time. I blew my chance to get to know J. better because past interactions had been so awkward. I remember my brother saying "This a big deal" in reference ro the invitation.

Now my beloved brother (and only sibling) has died and his children are already finished or attending university.
I have never had an argument with J. I don't know how this relationship with J. became uncomfortable. I really admire J. and I am truly fond of her.

My manic behavior in the past also ruined my relationship with a close friend. I met her boss and said some really stupid things. My friend is very chummy with her boss so I assume that he told her everything that I said.

I haven't dated much either. You can't meet people if you don't go out.

I have also gained a lot of weight due to my inactivity and my ever changing medications.

Another symptom of my mania was overspending which resulted in my parents helping me get out of debt– three times.

I blame the rollercoaster ride of depression and anxiety for losing so much time to live a better and more fulfilling life.

What about you, my fellow
Redditors. Do you feel that you were robbed of a better life due to your mental illness?

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