self sabotage and i hate myself

i was on track-attending my classes everyday, working out everyday, spending time on my hobby like calligraphy and stuff, then I did it again , binged ate the fuck out of the most caloric unhealthy food there, missed my workout session, spent all day watching movies , series etc. but the thing that triggered me to post this on reddit is when I missed the deadline for my college entrance exam. i had done all the the uploading of the required documents and submitted it already, just needed to pay online afterwards. i could give hundred excuses y i didn't make the payment and just get it done with. but honestly i am just lazy i was about to make the payment but it turned out i needed my debit card credentials and i was just too lazy to get my card and type in the deets. i say a lot of big stuff big dreams and shit like that but i am just too lazy deep down. help me someone please .

this is a rant. don't try to make me feel better . just tell me the real shit.

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