It feels like I’ve undergone a severe decline in my cognitive functioning, and I don’t know what to do. I have found it increasingly difficult to articulate myself and to have the motivation and capacity to form my thoughts and feelings into coherent sentences. My ability to articulate myself both verbally and through writing has suffered immensely over the past six or so months, though it has felt much more noticeable to me within the past three months.
I know what I’m writing now sounds decently articulate, but even writing this has taken a significant amount of energy and effort that I am often not able to muster up most days. I feel like I am losing myself to something terrifying and unknown, like I am being swallowed whole by some kind of monster but cannot even scream for help because it has taken my voice with it as well.
I have been severely depressed for at least the past six months, if not longer, and have also been severely isolated for about the past 2.5 years. I was once a vibrant, intellectually robust and somewhat ambitious person, but nowadays I feel brain-dead and like I am becoming trapped in my body with no way to communicate what is happening to me with the outside world. I feel so scared that this cognitive decline is permanent and that I will be stuck with this reduced cognitive capacity for the rest of my life. I feel so unwell and exhausted and often panic over if this is truly just the effects of untreated depression or something more?
I am in therapy and have been for nearly a decade at this point. I have never tried psychiatric medication but am looking at finally trying some hopefully in the very near future. I’m just worried that it’s going to be too late and that I’ve permanently ruined my life by not pursuing a more intensive intervention sooner than now.