I (25f) have autism, ocd, anxiety, depression and Crohn’s disease. Not a great combo of stuff, but I try my best every day. My friend is getting married next month in Norway, so me and the rest of my friends are flying over and having a holiday together.
Because of my Crohn’s, I can’t eat a lot of things, I need a lot of breaks and I can’t really go on ‘nights out’ and I can’t drink. I thought my friends were understanding, and they have agreed to stay in a few nights, but I am a firm believer in fairness, for them, a holiday is nights out, eating at restaurants etc. I want them to have a fulfilled holiday, and I am prepared to go back to our place alone and spend the nights on my own so that they can have the holiday they want.
But my Crohn’s has been flaring up, and I feel like I’m having some sort of nervous breakdown. I keep having panic attacks, I’m anxious, tired, I feel sick. My girlfriend this weekend said she’s concerned about me, and it’s been getting worse the closer and closer we get to June.
I don’t know if it’s because it’s my first time flying, or because I have active inflammation with my Crohn’s right now, or if it’s because I’m scared I will do stuff with my friends because I want them to have fun and I will make myself unwell and end up in a Norwegian hospital for months, but I feel like I can’t breathe. I’m very depressed, I feel a bit like my world is ending and I am hopelessly drowning in all of this. I am also terrified that if I got so sick I couldn’t go, my friends would exclude me from the group. I’m just so scared at the moment and don’t know what to do.
