Struggling to tell if my memory is bad due to trauma or if it’s normal

I’ve always had a spotty memory of my childhood from 1-10 years old, it gets clearer towards 10 but we also moved houses then and I was able to make friends on my own on the internet by 11 so I actually had people to talk too then.

I’ve always assumed having a sort of spotty memory of your childhood was normal. I have a decent amount of memories but I feel like there’s a lot that just isn’t there.

How much are you supposed to remember?

My therapist said she wouldn’t be surprised if I had suppressed any memories due to my mom’s life long alcoholism and my parents perpetually rocky marriage.

I don’t like that thought though. None of the memories I do have are particularly bad or traumatic. If something really bad DID happen I want to know I want to remember and it’s making me upset not knowing for sure. The idea that my brain could be suppressing something like that is very distressing to me. At the same time though I supposed it could’ve been a bunch of small upsetting things over time instead of one big event. Because I do remember smaller things that are unpleasant but not downright traumatic.

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