I’ve always had anxiety and depression. I grew up in an abusive environment. Suffered from emotional and physical abuse. Witnessed a lot of violence. It was tough. I’ve been working on myself as an adult. It’s not been easy but I am trying hard to overcome my experiences and trauma.
I’ve had a bit of a set back recently with a horrible breakup. I was in a relationship for 5 months which I thought was going incredibly well until he ended things in an unkind way. He basically dragged it on for a week during which he said he was unsure about being in a relationship, ghosted me for few days, messaged a weird apology and then blocked me. After a week he finally called and admitted to “being a dickhead” and “fucking me around” but not giving any reason why. I hung up and blocked him. He did all this in the final week before an important deadline for me.
This has really impacted my self esteem. My anxiety has been through the roof. I’ve been in such a low place. His disrespect has brought up feelings of unworthiness. His unkindness and inconsistent behaviour has triggered trauma in me. I keep spiralling and thinking what did I do wrong to be hurt this way? If he’d just talked to me we could have ended on good terms. We’re both adults in our 30s. Keep thinking why did he go out of his way to end things in a painful way?
I just need some support and outside perspective. I’m struggling not to internalise this behaviour and struggling to not question my worth. Keep wondering if I’d been prettier or more fun or something would he have treated me better.