I’m 20f with autism depression and anxiety, I am medicated. I had a “training day” at a new job recently, this is my third job and I’m going to be a waitress/cocktail bartender in a newly opened restaurant. I do find hospitality challenging as someone with autism but over the past two years I’ve been in bar tending and retail I have a dialogue for customers and have become very good at masking for customer service. Socialising with new people and other co workers I have not got a good grasp on (I do have friends and am able to get to know people but it takes me a lot lot lot longer than normal people)
Anyway I feel awful after tonight, It turns out it wasn’t so much a training day as a get to know you. I trained with making coffee for about an hour before it turned out I had nothing to do while a photographer was in the around the venue so nothing could be made dirty. I was told I could “chill” so I decided to go outside to vape because my other co worker (17f not new) said it would be fine. I feel this wasn’t the right decision looking back as I chose to go chill alone and not socialise with people. (I’m my defense I only had one other co worker there the manager and owner and the rest of the family buisnes) after vaping for about ten minutes my manager came out and asked if I wanted to try all the food, I said yes, I went to get up and follow him in but he then asked if I wanted it taken outside to me so I said yeah okay thankyou but I think that was another wrong decision because I seemed unsociable yet again. Then as I left I forgot it’s socially appropriate to say goodbye to the room and didn’t do that. They know I’m autistic but they also don’t know what autism is, I doubt they’ve researched it. I’m completely in bits over all of this I cried the whole drive home, I feel like I’m ruining this before it’s even started and I don’t know how to fix it, I can’t tell if I’m completely over reacting and I’m only overthinking this because I’m aspergic. I just
feel I didn’t behave socially appropriately. I wish I could speak to people socially without it exhausting me like this, I feel like everyone dislikes me already.I know I shouldn’t care so much what people think but I litteraly cannot stop myself. Anyway I’m sorry this is so long I just needed to get it out