>!a few days ago i stumbled upon my dad’s account and was shocked to see him postively reply to art of two underage characters having sex. i had already been suspecting that he might have assaulted me when i was younger because i had fuzzy memories of being sa’d when i was younger so i immediately felt sick to my stomach.!<
>!i do have one memory that i am sure of that it happened but now all i can think about is, was what happened even assault? !<
>!it happened when i was around 10-12 and til this day i cant tell if it was my dad being weird or him just trying to bond. while at my dad’s place my dad decided to take a shower but for some reason he wanted me to join him. at the time my mom was staying over so i asked her if she could ask my dad to let me skip showering because id rather do it alone, my mom told me that it was normal for my dad to want to shower with me so i sucked it up and took the shower with him. i was planning on wearing my bra and panties while i showered but my dad insisted i showered naked because showering with clothes is weird and hes my dad so its okay, i obligued and got undressed completely. i showered with him and i dont remember if he helped me wash my body or not. everytime i think about it i am filled with dread and feel sick but since he didnt touch my privates and because my mom didnt think anything of it im not sure if im just overreacting or if its sexual assault!<
>!im posting this here because i’ve been dissociated ever since and need some help figuring stuff out. please dont ask for his account or try to find him as i am still trying to figure stuff out!<
I mean, I can’t think of any reason a father would feel the need to shower with his ten year old.. I don’t think you’re overreacting or overthinking. At the end of the day, you’re completely justified in feeling violated over this, even what little you can remember.
I think perhaps you need to talk to someone qualified to advise you on this.
I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this and I hope you’re okay.
Have there been any other incidents that have made you question his intentions?
some of these comments are questionable… anyways I’m so sorry that happened. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable due to that because something is definitely wrong, your father seems awfully weird and what he did was completely uncalled for.
In my eyes thats all sorts of wrong and in a sense of him pushing you to be naked yes i would class it as sexual abuse in a mental/harassment way and as others have said I’d seek professional advice ie therapy ect even just to speak about the situation and see what they say as its still affecting you to a extent
Dude that is definitely not appropriate. Your dad is fucked up. I think you should seek out a therapist to help you sort through these memories and emotions
I’m sorry you went through all of this OP. Your father sounds like a really messed up individual whether something happened or not. No one can tell you what happened, it’s possible for something to have happened but for you to have repressed it. I suggest if therapy would be an option at some point to definitely mention it, regardless of what actually happened it seems like it really impacted you negatively. Please ignore any ignorant comments and I wish you the best in this situation. You are not alone.
You should definitely seek consultation from a professional. From what I read in this post it‘s definitely extremely weird and I’m so sorry that happened to you, but a psychologist can help you uncover the memories you may have unconsciously buried. Just a warning: it‘s going to get uncomfortable. Trauma therapy is hard and it will often feel like it sucks. But you deserve to know what happened to you so you can heal properly. I wish you the very best
One thing can be said for certain – he violated your boundaries and that seemingly resulted in trauma, SA or not. Are you seeing a therapist? May be helpful in dealing with this, sorting out your emotions and tackle that dissociation.
Just because it wasn’t sexual, does not mean it wasn’t bizarre, a violation of boundaries, or inappropriate. Still making it abuse.
@op you say your mom said it was normal for you to shower with dad . You only remember this one shower ??
Really sorry to hear this. In my experience, in such cases, my mind makes me partly forget the traumatizing incident as facing the reality of who did it to us is worse than the trauma itself.
If you were capable of bathing yourself, and you didn’t want to, I don’t think it was right, when I was young, I wanted to take a bath with my dad cus I was a weird kid, but I stopped before I was old enough to go to school, so yeah
Whether or not this fits the exact definition of SA is irrelevant. There are other laws that this could fall into like risk of injury to a minor, corrupting the morals of a minor, indecency of a minor, etc.
What happened isn’t okay. You are completely justified in feeling the way that you do, this would be traumatic for any child. I wish you nothing but the best.
ehi, I’m really sorry this happened to you. i hope you know that it was not your fault, if it ever was something you thought. please, reach for help to trusted adults in your life (if you are a minor) or to your doctor or teachers, so that you can get the help of a therapist. you dont deserve to feel like this and they can help a lot. you dont have to keep this pain all to yourself.. in case you didn’t know of the following subreddits and were looking for places here on reddit in which you could speak more of these topics or read more of similar experiences i would suggest looking up r/CovertIncest r/CPTSD. they might or might not be what you are looking for or need, but i felt like sharing is better then not, just in case it can help. be careful tho, the topics can be triggering and painful to read, so please don’t force yourself to do that if you don’t feel like it. it’s okay either way, really. im sending you a virtual hug 🫂 (if wanted)
You are not overreacting.
There is no conceivable, realistic scenario where a pubescent girl should shower naked with her ***father.*** And I have no idea what planet your mother is from, but there is nothing remotely “normal” about him wanting that. She enabled his predatory behavior.
Do you have access to a therapist or counselor?
Making your 10 year old shower with you is fucking weird man idk.
>i cant tell if it was my dad being weird or him just trying to bond.
Out of all the ways to bond with your child, taking a shower with them should **not** be one of them.
>my mom told me that it was normal for my dad to want to shower with me
***No.***
>because showering with clothes is weird
So is showering with your child‽
>everytime i think about it i am filled with dread and feel sick
This alone is enough of a red flag. Whether or not he layed so much as a finger on you is irrelevant. You were coerced into a weird situation you felt uncomfortable with and pressured to strip when you tried to hang on to at least some of your control over the situation which still affects you to this day.
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