I feel like I just can’t human. I don’t have the same wavelength. I can’t get along with my family because all they do is perpetually mock other people. None of them reads books, listens to music, or watches new movies. They play just the same old recording over and over again. I don’t know anyone else except coworkers that I find intimidating because they are much more intelligent, more attractive, more hard-working, more social than me. I spent my life doing literally everything alone, teaching myself things alone, teaching myself how to cook and build stuff alone, studying and graduating from university alone. Everyone told me I’m smart a zillion times but always felt dumb and useless. Every psychologist was like: You’re probably gifted. Which sounds to me like: wow you’re a such a freak. One said, wow you never had a relationship? How? With whom and why? Even without dysphoria, I would still be not capable of such things.
It seems whenever I went to a psychologist they started with: Oh you’re probably autistic. But after the testing they say, nope. The last time I even got my depression diagnosis removed because the psychologist said my complaints are valid and there is nothing wrong with what I say. Great, I’m cured?
I spent most of my life wanting death due to self-hate, but now I feel like the question has moved to: What’s the point of existing in this society at all if I can’t fit in?