i think im having a derealization or something episode bcz i dont know anyhting anymre. some stuff are incorrect yk but im having to remind myself of those bz they dont seem that bad. also i dont feel much anymore except stress. i dont really have fear bcz again idk what even brings fear anymore. but stress, i feel it on everything. idk why but everything has become so heavy and hard and stressful. but one thing i do know for certain is that this is not good. this wasnr how it was b4. im so tired. i just wanna sleep in a cold weather.
im writing this bcz i got quite spooked yesterday. i drove a car inside the city for the first time. i cant tell if that actually happened. honestly, everything. i cant tell if they were real or something i watched froma movie or something. also i kept thinking what if i crash right now. honestly, the only thing that prevented me was the people inside the car. i had the instructor, my friend and another person in the car. driving yesterday was quite stressful, like everything in the past i truly dont remember since when. days are merging together. im trying so hard to gaslight myself to toughen up cz some ppl have it worse and this happens to everyone and i just have to bear it. idk what im doing.